bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
