She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Shame - the story of my life.
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