ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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