Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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