i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize