Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
