I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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