how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
