You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
