It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
