I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
