I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I AM VODKA MAN
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
