i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
