paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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