ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
