My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
