why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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