I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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