I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
