i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
