I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
