Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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