Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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