it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
