Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
