Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
