my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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