I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
