He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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