Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
