That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I did not marry a roomba.
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