Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
