Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
