i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
