My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
