Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
