We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
