The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
