You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize