my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
