you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
