Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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