Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
