i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
