a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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