I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
