exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
