The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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