Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
