smell my finger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
