Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize