I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
