my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
