Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sober January is a disaster.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
