Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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