That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
