I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
