I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
