it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In America we eat man semen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize