I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
