Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
