Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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