Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize