There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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