I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
