when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
