Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
