Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
