im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
