I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
