I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
