she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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