We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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