the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize