god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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