Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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