i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We are all done wearing pants today
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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