it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
