I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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